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Quotes/ words that should be in Harry Potter but Aren’t:

- “Geez, Voldemort, stop acting so gay!”

- Fabulous

- “Bellatrix, stop groping me.  Just…just…go stand over there.”

- “Tell me Lucius, who’s the prettiest ballerina of them all?” Voldemort gave a cold smile at the clearly horrified man.

- “Sooo, what’s REALLY going on between his lordship and that snake, hmm?”

-“Wait a minute,” Harry said. “You want me to put this Snitch where now?”

- “What we need,” Voldemort mused, “is some sort of sign that people can rally around. To keep the masses happy and unrebellious.” Snape gasped. “You mean-” “Yes.” Voldemort allowed a vicious, cold smile to play upon his lips. “What the Death Eaters need, is a theme song.”

- “NO, DAMMIT! I DON’T CARE IF THE POTTER BOY’S BEEN FOUND! AMERICAN IDOL IS ON!”

- “One of you go see if the boy is alive. No, don’t poke him with that, Fenrir!”

- Flirtatious

- Glittery

- Pedophilic

-“Damn that Malfoy boy is sexy.” “GINNY!” “What, I was just saying-”

- Hoshit!

- “Harry Potter, you pathetic twit. Come here so I can smack you properly.”

- “GODDAMMIT, now is not the time for that! We are out here, risking our lives and fighting off Death Eaters, and they are making-out in a girls’ restroom?”

- “Sucks for you, Harry!”

- “Well, the mushrooms looked edible!”

- “Kreacher, how exactly do you snog a pair of trousers? Wait-Don’t answer tha-KREACHER, NOOO!”

-“My Lord, with all due respect, if you do not undo whatever you did to my hair in the next FIVE SECONDS, your eyes won’t be the only things that are slitted.”

- Freaking

-Voldemort rushed on through the night towards his last Horcrux, a crazed look in his eyes. Potter had gotten the ring, he had gotten the locket, but Voldemort would be damned if the blasted boy was going to lay one finger on his bunny slippers!

-“Perhaps Draco will baby-sit the cubs!” “Does Lucius Malfoy have to curse a bitch?”

- “Screw guarding Sirius Black’s old house; let’s go get drunk!”

- “What are you doing here?” Harry asked, bewildered. Draco spun around, did a double-take, then glared at Harry and made an obscene hand gesture.

- “HERMIONE! HERMIONE! HERMIO-” Ron was cut off suddenly when Harry smacked him and yelled “For God’s sake, SHUT THE HELL UP!”

- “I’ll get you, Harry Potter, and your little owl, too!”

-“Snape has a female patronus? Alright, Severus, what aren’t you telling us?”

- Voldemort glared angrily at the house-elf carrying the offending meal. “The Dark Lord,” he explained slowly, “does NOT eat muffins!”

-“Why? Why isn’t it possible?” The Dark Lord raged at his cowering victim. “Tell me WHY!” He snarled as he paced furiously. “My lord, have you considered the possibility that you’re taking your loss to this muggle game a bit too seriously?” Lucius Malfoy offered meekly. “NO I’M NOT TAKING IT TOO SERIOUSLY!” Voldemort roared. “IF I AM TO HAVE A WEAKNESS, IT IS NOT GOING TO BE DDR!”

- “Kreacher angry! Kreacher SMASH!”

-Ron, Hermione, and Harry all stood around the body of their fallen foe. “So, whadda’ya reckon?” Ron asked, gazing at the lifeless form of Voldemort. “Boxers or briefs?”

- And thus, Harry never did get a high school education.

- Victor Krum was one sexually frustrated Quidditch Champion.

- The Boy Who Continued to Live nearly died with laughter when the Malfoys turned up to their disciplinary hearing. Lucius Malfoy was wearing a tux, complete with top hat and cane, while his wife wore a pale blue satin ball gown with elbow-length gloves. Draco was wearing blue jeans and a black tee-shirt that said “I was forced to try and kill Albus Dumbledore, I had to put up with Snape for seven years, the Ministry raided my house more times than I have fingers, I couldn’t get away from Delores Umbrage, Death Eaters moved into my house, Voldemort made fun of me and my family, I had to hurt people to stop my parents from being killed, I watched my Mom and Dad tortured, my wand was stolen, I still haven’t won a Quidditch game against Harry Potter, and all I got was this lousy tattoo, and even that went away after Voldemort’s downfall.” It was the start of a long and lasting friendship.
Full title: Quotes that SHOULD be in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows but Aren't for Some Reason.

Not that Harry Potter was bad. I loved it.

It's pretty late to be jumping on the HP bandwagon, though. But it took me a while to screw my courage up to post this since it's my first deviation, so please be gentle.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconshadowblaze5:
Shadowblaze5 Featured By Owner Feb 22, 2015  New member Hobbyist General Artist
I absolutely love this
Reply
:iconpencilartist37:
Pencilartist37 Featured By Owner Feb 12, 2015  New member Hobbyist General Artist
I just died of laughter! You are so funny! XD
Reply
:iconeldestarcane:
EldestArcane Featured By Owner Feb 5, 2015  New member Hobbyist General Artist
Do you have any idea how much I love you just for this?  I mean, I love all things Harry Potter, but this has just solved my writers block and put me in a PHENOMENAL mood.
Reply
:iconyaoiluvr13:
yaoiluvr13 Featured By Owner Dec 8, 2014
I laugh sooo friggin' hard every time I read this. I just can't help it! It's hilarious!
Reply
:iconblurrykitty:
Blurrykitty Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
OMG THIS IS HILARIOUS! XD  Laughing 
Reply
:iconanubisgirl99:
Anubisgirl99 Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2014
I especially love the last one.
Reply
:icontuggersgirl:
Tuggersgirl Featured By Owner Edited Nov 25, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
lol lol lol!!!!!!:D (Big Grin) :D (Big Grin) :D (Big Grin) :D (Big Grin) 
Reply
:iconrookanga1945:
Rookanga1945 Featured By Owner Sep 23, 2014  Hobbyist
I think you forgot "And I would have got away with it too if it weren't for you meddling kids!" Voldemort sneered.
Reply
:iconcallistaalthaea:
CallistaAlthaea Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2015  Hobbyist General Artist
yes so true.  That one is definetnly needed. :)
Reply
:iconthescribbleartcreeps:
TheScribbleArtCreeps Featured By Owner Sep 21, 2014  Student Artist
Error. thescribbleartcreeps.23.WHATNOW! has stopped working. reason:died of this fan fiction
Reply
:iconfriedcheese22:
friedcheese22 Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2014
Error. friedcheese22.exe has crashed. Reason: Too much funniness on one page.
Reply
:iconbecomingoblivion:
BecomingOblivion Featured By Owner Sep 20, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Good thing they weren't.
Reply
:iconjulslovesblue:
JulsLovesBlue Featured By Owner Sep 10, 2014
I love it. It's so funny! Would it be possible for you to make a fanfiction in which the last scene actually happens?
Reply
:iconaloisia7277:
Aloisia7277 Featured By Owner Sep 6, 2014
This is just funnier the more times I read it omg cry 
Reply
:iconmcckaja:
mcckaja Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
OMG,hey how about you make the parody of the WHOLE book? that would be AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!

Rock on=)
Reply
:iconan-ink:
an-ink Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I just died. 😂
Reply
:iconmarssetta:
marssetta Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I want that shirt! I would wear it whenever I go outside. 
Mars
Reply
:iconbluemusic11:
Bluemusic11 Featured By Owner Aug 30, 2014
Death Eaters need a theme song?  ...........No comment......
Reply
:iconprinceoftheangels:
PrinceoftheAngels Featured By Owner Feb 20, 2015
Of course they do! 
Reply
:iconbluemusic11:
Bluemusic11 Featured By Owner Feb 25, 2015
Probably. It would make them....seem darker(?)
Reply
:iconprinceoftheangels:
PrinceoftheAngels Featured By Owner Feb 26, 2015
Yes! They would create a band to sing it... 
Reply
:iconbluemusic11:
Bluemusic11 Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2015
Yeah!

haha. If muggles were to hear their song and ask what the name of the band is, wizards are going to reply "The Death Eaters"
Reply
:iconprinceoftheangels:
PrinceoftheAngels Featured By Owner Feb 27, 2015
xD
Reply
:iconbluemusic11:
Bluemusic11 Featured By Owner Feb 28, 2015
Yeah. Then muggles try to look it up but don't find anything. XD
Reply
:iconprinceoftheangels:
PrinceoftheAngels Featured By Owner Mar 2, 2015
:D (Big Grin) 
Reply
:iconleftunfinished:
LeftUnfinished Featured By Owner Aug 29, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
This is awesome!
Reply
:icondarkestcreagirl:
DarKestcreagirl Featured By Owner Aug 25, 2014  Student General Artist
This was absolutely hilarious!!!!!!!
Reply
:iconthelitllexgamer:
TheLitllexGamer Featured By Owner Aug 24, 2014  Student General Artist
Amazing, i love it!
Reply
:iconsexytickletorture:
Sexytickletorture Featured By Owner Aug 23, 2014
What the what?
Reply
:iconclaudialewis:
ClaudiaLewis Featured By Owner Aug 22, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
All great except for "Geez, Voldemort, stop acting so gay!"
Reply
:iconcutiedevilgurl143new:
LOL! FABOLUS!
Reply
:iconsilverfox2960:
Silverfox2960 Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
This is hilarious
Reply
:icondevilswalk:
DevilsWalk Featured By Owner Aug 12, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
Victor Krum was one sexually frustrated Quidditch Champion.
Omg I just died
Reply
:iconclarystar:
Clarystar Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2014  Professional General Artist
I luv this it's so funnyXD Extreme 
Reply
:iconselacha:
Selacha Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
This one, - “Harry Potter, you pathetic twit. Come here so I can smack you properly.” I can just so, SO easily see Snape saying this to him at some point. My God, I can even hear Alan Rickman sneering it at Daniel Radcliffe.
Reply
:iconkimmoriademortriddle:
KimmoriaDeMortRiddle Featured By Owner Jul 10, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
That was really funny
Reply
:iconpegasiswaterbender:
pegasiswaterbender Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2014  Student Digital Artist
 YES A THEME SONG.....
Reply
:iconflamewing0926:
Flamewing0926 Featured By Owner Jun 19, 2014
We need more people like this in the world. It would be such a better place...

the last one is absolute gold, by the way.
Reply
:iconburninguniverse:
BurningUniverse Featured By Owner Edited Jun 17, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist

Oh My God I can't even... I can die now... this was too hilarious for me '/D

especially the

- “What are you doing here?” Harry asked, bewildered. Draco spun around, did a double-take, then glared at Harry and made an obscene hand gesture.

reminds me of the great "A Very Potter Musical"~ :D
Reply
:iconsiriath:
Siriath Featured By Owner Jun 6, 2014
That's...genius. Pure genius. The humanity can die off now, we have made the best thing possible :D
Reply
:iconpretty-crimson-fox:
pretty-crimson-fox Featured By Owner May 11, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
This is PERFECT! I sure do wish that they had put those in the movie, it would have made the series much more funny and popular.
Reply
:iconthunderclan-cat:
Thunderclan-Cat Featured By Owner May 11, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I whant this in harry potter!!!!!
Reply
:iconthecrazygenius19:
TheCrazyGenius19 Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
At first I was likegasp then I was like oh... and then I just wentFrozen - HUG! 
Reply
:iconthecrazygenius19:
TheCrazyGenius19 Featured By Owner Apr 30, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
I would buy that t-shirt. I wouldn't wear it, no that'd be embarrassing, BUT I WOULD BUY IT.
Reply
:iconllaladonna:
LLAladonna Featured By Owner Jun 10, 2014
I would both buy that t-shirt and wear it. Power to the Potterheads!
Reply
:iconthunderclan-cat:
Thunderclan-Cat Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I am no dying again from reading the comments...
Reply
:iconthunderclan-cat:
Thunderclan-Cat Featured By Owner Apr 28, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I laughed so hard I cried, this was hilarious! More PLZ!"
Reply
:iconsamoojatar:
samoojatar Featured By Owner Apr 27, 2014
Brilliant! XDXD

Loved so much the last one! :)
Reply
:icontheshipperoflove:
theshipperoflove Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
"I'll get you, Harry Potter, and your little owl too!"
I died! XD
Reply
:iconkitsuneshadow65:
KitsuneShadow65 Featured By Owner Apr 25, 2014
I can definitely see Bellatrix calling random things Fabulous, and yes, I do somewhat believe Voldemort could be a pedophile. He is creepingly obsessed with Harry.
Reply
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